****Please message me directly if you want to purchase this art so we can figure out shipping.  There will be an additional cost. 

48x60 Acrylic/ Canvas/ Tar/ Glitter. This piece is specifically not epoxy resined, and was made in 2014. It is a piece of art from my vault.  

In the fall of 2014, we moved into a house on the south side. There was a garage and I’d spend my nights walking around the art, throwing paint down and wondering what, and if ever, the canvas would turn into something. Life-wise, I was in the same place as I was trying to transform that canvas. 

My friend drove a Honda Pilot - it’s the only truck to date that fits these 48x60 canvases and it gets like moving a one-bedroom apartment when buying them in bulk. 2014 was the first year I bought a canvas this big, and I remember getting the plastic off of it and being startled by the amount of space I had to paint. 

I had returned from a month-long yoga training in Thailand that summer, and the bleached-out hustle and heat of the Las Vegas desert -  all the take-out iced coffee in single-use plastic, makeup, packed highways, and places to shop was a culture shock. I wasn’t just trying to survive anymore but I didn’t know what it was to live any other way. I had no idea what I wanted. 

So I called out of my serving job a lot and gazed into this canvas as if it were a crystal ball. I guess I thought that if I put the paint on just so, it might tell me my future. Or make me feel like my life had some direction. Or maybe I’d find something that I had lost, though unsure of what specifically that was. 

A few months later, I met my future husband on a random early morning in a diner parking lot. He had a great British accent but I didn’t think much more of it. He taught a good yoga class too and he commented on the photos of my art on social media when we followed each other, not my face.

5 months later, my life was completely changed. I was in love. With like, The One. It was that thing where everything that ever ended in my life made perfect sense. I had to make room, and sometimes making room for what is the best is painful. 

I moved. I lost one of my best friends to addiction but unlike everyone else in my life that I lost that way; I got her back. The destruction I caused in my life and other people is something I will not soon forget. I can get into a habit of thinking I’m doing pretty good and evolving - but so help me god if I get into pain and rejection that I can’t control. I left the restaurant I worked in and became a full-time yoga teacher, meditation guide, and art therapist. It was the weirdest time, a storm really. One of those storms that it’s hard to believe you’re in. It’s beautiful but then so powerful and scary at the same moment. 

I was a long time away still from financial manageability, knowing how to eat properly, and not living in a constant reactive state to circumstances I believed were happening to me. Later, I’ll figure out that it was me creating that chaos all along. And even later than that, I’ll figure out how to stop doing that. 

I’ve lived ten different lives in ten years, and this piece of my art has lived on the wall in my living room for all of them. Because I think the most calming memory I have is staring into that art, wondering what I needed to do for it to transmute into something that made sense, and that I could feel. 

It’s not the being there it’s the getting there in the end they say. I kept this painting for so long because, to me, it’s evidence of having no idea what was about to happen, but all of it is so much better than I could have imagined. 

Just like back then, gazing down and looking into this art because I could feel something coming, I just didn’t know what - I feel the same sense of that now. 

I know that shortly, my whole life is going to change, and for once, I'm so excited about that. I made the decision to put this painting out into the world so that I can make room for what's to come.